August 2007
I feel like I grew up a little bit today. I know that it’s nothing compared to how I’m going to feel a few days from now, but none the less, I grew up just a little. I currently sit at the patio table outside my work, listening to dreams of the future; hopes and wishes for the next passage of their lives. It’s hard for me to hear and I can’t decide why. Am I afraid to think that far into the future? The excitement of my peers to begin school and careers that will carry them through the rest of their lives is somewhat startling. What were we worried about last year? Having the most beautiful dress at grad? Finally talking to that boy or girl you’ve been too scared to before? How about which party to hit the first weekend in September? They were material fears, ones that would not play roles in future endeavors. Now we have to consider what classes will fit in our schedule and how many pairs of underwear to bring when we move.
December 2007
I feel like I grew up a little bit today. I haven’t slept much in the past week but I know I’ve learned more over the first semester of university than I ever dreamed possible in high school. I can confidently explain Plato’s Theory of the Forms and relate it to the scientific thoughts of the Aristotle using his Four Causes. If you ask, I’ll likely relate it to Maimonides’ thoughts regarding the celestial movement of the cosmos; how he views this circular motion as perfect and methodically describes this through comparing this motion to that of the human heart. When I was sitting at the picnic table five months ago… I don’t think I would be able to even explain who Plato was. Many events and texts have caused me to question what I thought was so difficult once upon a time in high school. Today I think I wrote the easiest test of my life – in that I didn’t. I spoke and discussed and contemplated in front of two people who have no right to judge me. Fuck it if I do poorly, I know what I’ve learned: that this knowledge, combined with hard work, is the greatest gift to date. I just hate that I can’t seem to appreciate my growth because I’m always wondering whether he still thinks about me with the same intensity as I think about him. So the question becomes: have I really grown up?
May 2008
I feel like I grew up a little bit today. Though last time I found this text within hours of doing something great, I regret to have done so this time. It’s the middle of May and it feels like I’ve been everywhere but home: Hawaii, Regina, and Halifax. Though I know life was hardly enjoyable this past semester, it’s helped me to develop who I am and what kind of student I need to be in order to keep some sanity in my life. In a four week time period, or ‘blur’ or whatever you want to call it, I’ve completed my first-year of university, gotten a tattoo and spent quality time with some of the most important people of my life; but I have yet to speak with one in particular. As I sit here watching a re-run of Law & Order and surfing the Internet for celebrity gossip, I wonder where he is and what he’s doing. Who knew that, while being away has helped me to evolve and learn many new things, all I really want right now is to be back on that patio table, still singing John Mayer, contemplating life and thinking about my underwear.
